A dominant theory that any psychology student would know of is ‘Need for Affiliation’ proponed by David Mclelland. People who have a need for affiliation prefer to spend time creating and maintaining social relationships, being a part of groups, and desire feeling loved and accepted. Man being a social animal strives to affiliate, to connect, to bond with his surroundings and with fellow beings from the period of infancy.
Ask any management student having studied ‘Group Dynamism’ the importance and connotation of ‘Conformity’ in groups. Conformity is the process by which an individual's attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors are influenced by what is conceived to be what other people might perceive. It is well proven that people in a group conform to group norms, group think to avoid conflicts and thus attain harmony and in doing so fulfill the ‘need to affiliate’.
What exactly am I trying to say here with a jargoned play of words such as ‘need for affiliation’ and ‘conformity’ and trying to explain my title ‘To be or Not- to- Be’ in a twisted philosophical manner??
Hmmmmm…..I am trying to decode this literary quote with the aid of theoretical constructs that could possibly explain complex human behavior at every opportunity of a conflict laden situation such as ‘To be or Not-to-be’.
I, for the most part of my life have always faced this quandary in almost every small and big event starting from….
Whether to wake up in the morning or just stay in and dream….
Whether to wear a certain outfit or a color or not……
Whether to tell a person in authority that they are being rude and incorrect or not….
Whether to work in the area of psychology or fitness, both or not….and so on and so forth…
What then does enable us to decide on a course of action…is it the ‘To be’ that wins over the ‘Not-to-Be’ or vice versa? I am afraid the former rules for the most part for most of us function on the need for affiliation and to conform, we all want to go with the flow and embrace tried and tested rather than risk a ‘risk’ of behaving anti-norms.
For the longest time us humans have been conditioned into this conflictual world of ‘To be’s and Not-to-Be’s…here’s a few to illustrate:
Why do so many of us the world over feel the need to be an engineer, doctor or of a certain society approved occupation than other?
Why do so many of us the world over find it simpler to ‘not be’ part of an ugly situation and prefer to stay blinded and indifferent?
Why is it always about doing this or doing that to prove one’s existence?
Why is that we can today either live hectic frantic urban lives or use a getaway to find peace and calm?
Why does one feel the need to sit in a certain place at a certain time to be close to God and to meditate?
Why is that we need to be of a certain height, weight, skin tone, body type to be labeled beautiful?
Why is that we need to be of a certain class, caste, religion to enjoy the bountiful beauty that ‘Living’ in the universe ensues?
Why do we swing between ‘Conformism’ and ‘Extremism’ to make ourselves heard?
Why do we have to swing between the ‘To be’s’ and the ‘Not-to-Be’s’ to define and explain ourselves?
Whatever happened to ‘Just Being’. Why couldn’t we possibly as simply Breathe Life, Stay Cool and Love Ourselves for what we are!
How would it be then if we bridged the gap between the conflicts to make it a win-win by being a part of the universe and yet be comfortable in one’s own skin. This may allow for a fusion of ‘Compassion’ and ‘Creativity’, of Hedonism uniting with Utilitarianism. By Hedonism and ‘Just Being’ what I am trying to put forth is not a callous, selfish attitude or an absolute neglect of the surroundings. But what am hinting at is to try to achieve a fine balance between ‘To Be’ and ‘Not-to-Be’ , by simply being and living each moment righteously and with an individualistic streak and in doing so keeping the interest of oneself and the society at large.
To refine my expression further still…
Each one of us was made using a different mould, why then mess a masterpiece with pseudo lookalikes only to conform or affiliate….
Why not try to think out of the box; ‘To be’ part of a galaxy and yet shine bright with one’s own unique starlight.
Having expressed the above mentioned, to all the benevolent readers who have taken the time to read this amateur writing piece, please do take note ‘ I am a work in progress’ too, not only with my writing inconsistencies but also with grappling to find a foothold between the ‘To Be’ and ‘Not-to-Be’ of our complex human world :-)
